Sorry guys, another long and wordy entry. LOL.

Its been a week since Goal for Fund ended. What is Goal for Fund, you may ask.

RHB-NTU GOAL FOR FUND 2009 was a nationwide 5/side soccer tournament for charity. Proceeds go to the financially-needy students in NTU. And it was an event that we slogged for many months before seeing it happened.

It really wasn't easy. It was pure hard work. You have people who don't share the same vision and direction as you, you have people who don't feel like they own this event (so it was difficult trying to get them to do work), you have people who don't want to do much but want to complain and stir shit. But then again, you also get people who genuinely want to help, people who want to make this event work, and people who could see what you hope to see at the end. (: Even if it was a handful, it was still heartwarming.

I don't know what I was hoping to feel at the end of the event. Exhilaration? Grateful that everything worked out to make this a successful event? That all these months of working towards the materialization of the event was more than worth it? I think I got so burned out by 7th/8th March that all I felt was relief that its over. I was hoping for something more than just relief but...nope, didn't come. Kind of a pity. But it was a learning experience. Its not something that people can just tell you about and you can understand right away without YOU experiencing it by yourself. I don't think I can put all that I saw and heard and learnt and felt during these few months into words.

In the past 6-7 months, I saw the uglier side of human nature. When it comes to getting work done, it seems like everyone just showed their true form after a few months. When people are tired, all sorts of nonsense came out. When they got frustrated, I got to know what I never thought I'll see from them. People...weren't who I thought they'll be like. In the past 6-7 months, I was showed a tiny semblance of the real world out there. Its kind of harsh and unfeeling, actually. I mean, everyone says that, but I've never seen it for myself until these few months. It can be quite shocking. Charity? Nobody gives a shit about charity. All it matters is how they would benefit. I'm perfectly fine with having the various companies benefit from this event, since we're trying to get something out of them too (so it would make sense for them to think for their company first)... But its kind of discouraging if ALL they care is whether they get anything out of this and they don't give a damn about the nature of our event. That said, I think I've met some really nice people who are very kind. (:  

Kat definitely had more shit going on for her, and I feel really helpless when I can't do anything more to help. The feeling is a lot worse because she's one of my closest friends in NTU. Its like, you see your friend having to deal with so much shit, and is already on the verge of collapsing, yet there is nothing you can do or say about it to make her feel better. OMG IT SURE SUCKS LIKE HELL PLEASE. I hated that feeling. A lot. And a certain someone still can say that Kat has double standards just because I'm her close friend. I sure didn't feel like I had any special privileges, you know. I'm kinda curious as to why she would say that. If anything, I feel even shittier BECAUSE I'm her friend so I really can't stand around and do nothing while she tries to do everything on her own. I already felt like shit that I can't do more to help with the situation please. I'll probably stab myself if I really didn't do anything. I admit that whatever I did, its not like someone else can't take over and do it. They might do it even better too, since I did screwed up some stuff. But hey, I really did some work okay. Not a lot, but its still considered work. I wish people will stop saying stuff based on their assumptions when they really do not know anything at all.

I really want to..I don't know, spill all the explicit details and ramble my heart out. But I don't think I can bear the consequences if they happen to google their own name or whatever and find this entry. /: So...maybe I'll rant much later on, and in a friends-only entry.

MANY THANKS TO GLENN FOR PARTICIPATING IN OUR EVENT! (: I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

And thanks, PANG NATALIE, for specially coming down to look see look see our event. You're the best! (: Natalie jjang! Hwaiting! (I have no idea what you should be 'hwaiting!' about, but it just seems like it should come right after. LOL.) LOVE YOU MANY.

And thanks, SERENE LEE, for dropping by with your china husband. HAHAHAA. So happy that you were in the area. (: